We underestimate the beauty of not getting what we thought we wanted.
Rejection hurts. Loneliness hurts. Loss hurts. Anything tangible that we want but aren’t receiving, hurts. When we sit in that pain long enough, we start to feel disconnected from where and who we are. But instead of focusing on the pain in uncertainty, why not shift our perspective to the purpose of where we are?
Purpose was always a word I struggled with because it felt like I was always searching for something. Searching for my direction or the next milestone, thinking I’d finally feel fulfilled when I received what I was waiting for; instead of realizing that where I was at held the same purpose I was chasing.
Looking back, not getting what I thought I wanted ended up being exactly what I needed. I couldn’t see how all the scattered pieces would eventually connect at the time, but I became thankful for closed doors and for what felt like brokenness at the time.
If you find yourself in a season of uncertainty, here are 6 ways to help you reconnect with yourself and find purpose:
1. Embrace The Discomfort
I had to lose myself to truly find myself again. Sometimes that looked like putting one foot in front of the other, even if I didn’t know where my steps were leading me next. I found peace in knowing that if it weren’t for the pain and discomfort, I wouldn’t receive the growth that followed. I wouldn’t have met all the versions of myself that I was meant to, no matter how painful the process felt.
There’s purpose even when we can’t see what’s ahead. The times we feel the most “lost” often become guideposts leading us toward what’s next. Where we are holds purpose, even in pain. Not just when we accomplish a goal or fulfill a dream, but in the small, everyday moments too.
Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions, even the discomfort that comes attached with pain. When we bury our true feelings, we prolong the healing process, because they’ll always eventually resurface later.
There were so many parts of myself that I wasn’t sure how to face, and instead of leaning into the version of myself I was becoming, I tried to shrink away from it. The sooner you embrace the discomfort and learn who you’re becoming, the closer you’ll get where you’re meant to be.
2. Appreciate Where You Are Now
We’re always rushing toward the next best thing. I used to feel like there wasn’t purpose for where I was because I wasn’t where I wanted to be, until I realized those seasons were preparing me for what was ahead.
When I was waitressing for over 10 years but wanted to be writing full-time, it taught me more patience and multitasking that I would’ve never had otherwise.
When I passed three interviews and still didn’t get the job I thought I was mine, it ended up being a blessing in disguise because the next opportunity around the corner was even better. And when a long-term relationship ended without warning, what felt like loss eventually led me to the life I always dreamed of with my husband.
Those seasons of waiting, uncertainty, heartbreak, and confusion were shaping me in ways I couldn’t understand at the time. It was a revelation I couldn’t put together until much later, a protection not a punishment.
Purpose wasn’t only found when I could attach a reason to my circumstances, but where I was in every single moment.
Each chapter in our life holds a story. When we learn to appreciate where we are, we start to feel more connected, even when we can’t see our path ahead. There’s purpose where you are now, no matter how far you feel from where you want to be.
3. Take A Step Forward, Even If It’s Small
Growth isn’t always loud, it’s often found in the small and quiet moments behind the scenes.
The times I’ve felt furthest away from where I wanted to be, were also the same moments when I wasn’t sure how to push forward. Reconnecting with yourself isn’t about mapping out every detail perfectly, but taking one small step at a time.
Some reflective questions to help you reconnect:
- What’s one thing I can do today that’ll bring me closer to where I want to be tomorrow?
- What am I currently proud of myself for?
- What’s something I accomplished in the past that felt hard at the time? How did I feel after, and how can I remind myself of those feelings in the season I’m currently in?
Reconnecting with yourself doesn’t necessarily mean a dramatic transformation. When we take our goals and break them down one step at a time, they’ll feel more a lot more manageable rather than trying to handle everything at once. Everything happens in its own timing and no matter how disconnected we feel, sometimes even taking the smallest step forward can help push us in the right direction.
4. Surround Yourself With People Who Keep You Grounded
You’ve probably heard the saying that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
When we feel disconnected from ourselves, distracting ourselves with things or people that numb the pain instead of easing our heaviness only pushes us further away from where we want to be.
I feel most connected to myself when I’m around those who keep me grounded even in times of uncertainty or pain. Releasing some of the weight you’re carrying can help you feel lighter, creating a sense of safety, and help bring you back to yourself.
Talking it out with somebody you trust deeply can shift your perspective, and uncover your purpose of how you feel through it all. There’s so much comfort in surrounding yourself with people who make you feel the most like yourself, and carry your heaviness when it feels impossible to hold it on your own.
Related posts you might like:
- 15 Journal Prompts To Help You Find Your Purpose
- How To Connect With Yourself When You Feel Overwhelmed
- 7 Simple Self-Care Habits To Help You Feel Like Yourself Again
5. Make Time For Yourself
When we’re constantly spreading ourselves thin and start feeling overwhelmed or burnt out, it’s hard to feel connected to who we are. Alternatively to surrounding yourself with people who keep you grounded, it’s just as important to set aside time for yourself.
Small acts of self-care can help us reconnect, especially when we can do something for ourselves that brings us happiness. As somebody who loves socializing, I also know that same social battery gets drained quickly. Doing something for myself such as cozying up with a good book, writing in my notebook, or going on a run are important when I’m trying to reconnect with who I am.
Set aside time to do anything that brings you peace, joy, or comfort. It’s not about trying to fix everything at that moment, but allowing ourselves to rest so that we can reconnect to who we are.
6. Journal Through The Uncertainty
The most clarity I’ve ever received has been when I’ve journaled through uncertainty, even when I wasn’t sure how to actually process those heavy emotions. It’s helped bring awareness to feelings I didn’t even know I was carrying, and cleared my head when it felt like the fog would never lift.
My favorite method of journaling is brain dumping, where I write down any and everything that comes to mind. There’s so much we carry that we might not understand the weight of what we’re holding until we can release it.
Journaling can help you reconnect and bring clarity to your inner feelings. An alternative to brain dumping is using journal prompts to help you identify your dreams, goals, and the path you’re headed on.
If you feel stuck, try these five journal prompts to help guide you:
- What are my passions and strengths?
- When I think about purpose, what comes to mind?
- Is there anything holding me back from connecting with myself?
- What is most important to me? What do I consider my “why”?
- What steps can I take to get realigned with my goals?
Physically writing out how you feel, whether it’s brain dumping or using prompts, can show you how far you’ve already come and the direction you want to head in next.
When we move through different seasons in our lives, we might find ourselves feeling lost or disconnected from who we are. Feeling lost doesn’t mean we’ll never find ourselves again, it just means we’re in the process of stepping into the person we’re becoming.
There’s purpose where you are, even in pain or uncertainty. Trust that even if you aren’t where you want to be, everything is realigning you to where you’re meant to be. And remember, just because you feel lost, doesn’t mean you’ll be lost forever.
Love this so much! I felt like I was talking to a friend. Thank you for sharing this wisdom!
Aw I’m so glad!! Appreciate you reading ❤️
I love this post. I was recently talking with a colleague about this topic. Shared this with her because she REALLY needs to read this!
Aw thank you so much, I appreciate that! & I hope it helps! ❤️
Your post really resonated with me. I know the feeling of being unfulfilled, lost, and only focused on the future or the “when.” I like the tip to remind ourselves that the feeling of being lost is temporary, and will eventually pass and to stay present.
I’m glad it resonated with you! It’s so easy to get caught up in those moments when we’re constantly fixated on when our situation will change. Sometimes when we’re in a situation for what feels like a long time, it’s hard to believe there will ever be a way out. But accepting our current circumstances and trusting that it will all come together makes all the difference in giving us comfort & peace that it will eventually change ❤️
This was needed. Thank you for sharing.
I’m glad it was helpful!
Love this!! I think it’s easy to feel lost in life’s transitions, so these tips are really important.
So true! & thank you so much!
The 2nd step that is, ‘Appreciate Where You’re Currently At’ is what resonates with me. We need to be mindful of the present and not always thinking about what needs to be done in the next hour. Our moments, the ones we are currently living, are precious. The past is gone and tomorrow is a blur.
I’m glad that resonated with you! So precious, and anything can change in the blink of a moment. I always remind myself that things won’t always be like they are now, and it’s so important to appreciate exactly where we’re at.
Thanks for the great post! I’ve also been feeling a bit disoriented and lost lately because of some big changes. To be honest it’s quite challenging to climb out of this rabbit hole of thoughts and get back on track. I’m right now focussing on the point you mentioned about surrounding myself with the right people.
So sorry to hear that you’ve been going through a tough time. It’s especially difficult when we’re in the thick of it. But surrounding yourself with the right people who support and care about you can make all the difference! ❤️ Thinking of you & hope that you feel back to yourself sooner than later!
Very sound advice. In particular, the muscle memory of taking a step back and being mindful of what you have accomplished so far despite not quite being where you’d like to be. I have to remind myself of this often.
Thank you! & same here. It’s something that can be easily forgotten until we shift our mindset and realize how far we’ve actually come; rather than focusing on how far we have to go.
All of these are great recommendations. Sometimes we want everything to go according to plan, but when things move or don’t go as planned, we feel lost and ready to give up. We can always find our way back with actions that help us get back on track. Thank you for this!
Thank you! So true, I think it’s all about being open to things possibly not going the way we “expect” them to go. Everything always happens exactly how it’s supposed to & in the right timing!
Great information! I have felt this way in the past, and it wasn’t easy to get out of my head at the time; journaling helped me. Thank you for sharing!
So hard when we’re stuck in a certain mindset or keep replaying the same things over and over. Journaling is so helpful for getting everything out, it always helps me shift my perspective when I’m stuck! There’s always something about being able to get everything on paper and releasing it all, that really helps. Thanks for reading!