There are so many different areas of our lives that we might settle in; from jobs to holding onto unhealthy friendships, or even staying in relationships that we’re meant to let go of.
I think one of the hardest parts about recognizing that we’re settling is being open to accepting the truth. When we feel ourselves so far deep in a situation, it’s hard to see a way out. We try to believe for the best; hoping that somehow our situation will change or improve, even if time proves the exact opposite.
As I reflect on my past and the choices I made, although it’s even sometimes hard to make sense of now, I realize how much time I sacrificed trying to change pieces of who I was to settle for anything that wasn’t a healthy love. Facing reality felt harder than continuing to shield myself from what I knew to be true, which was that I was settling for way less than I ever deserved.
Often, the hardest truths to face are the ones we don’t know how to accept. When we settle for less than what we deserve, we’re sacrificing our own self-worth and who we are. One of the biggest takeaways once I was finally able to let go, was how much I learned about myself, and what was important moving forward in the future. There’s so much importance in why you should never settle for anything but a healthy love:
A Healthy Love Always Brings Out The Best In You
In those years when I was in an extremely controlling relationship, I was so emotionally exhausted from constantly trying to defend myself, that I felt lost in the situation and felt like the worst version of myself. My carefree spirit was nonexistent, and I kept conforming to who somebody else convinced me I should be, rather than being true to myself.
A healthy love always brings out the best in you. It’s not to say that there won’t be ups and downs in your relationship, because there will be, but even through those ups and downs, the relationship always pushes you to be better.
When I was reading an old journal recently, I came across an entry that I wrote a couple of months after I met my husband. I hardly have any recollection of writing that entry (as it was almost 7 years ago), but in it, I wrote how happy and good I felt when I was around him. Which is even still true to this day. A healthy love will always encourage you to be at your best, and will always want to put your happiness first because it’s what matters most to them.
A Healthy Love Fulfills Your Life In Ways You Can’t Imagine
Something that completely changed my perspective after I read it was about always paying attention to the way people make you feel.
When we’re mentally wrapped up in a situation, it’s easy for us to perceive it how we want to see it, rather than accepting it for what it is. But something that will never lie to us, even if our minds our hearts aren’t ready to accept the truth, is by paying attention to our gut feeling along with others’ actions.
Does the person you’re with fill you up or completely drain you of energy? A true and healthy love will always fulfill you, even in ways you can’t necessarily fulfill yourself. They’ll never take away from your joy or happiness, they’ll add to it. We lose so much of ourselves, and our happiness, when we settle for anybody who doesn’t positively add to our lives.
The more I got to know my husband, the more I felt like I was becoming more of myself. He always encouraged, supported, and pushed me to be more of myself, not less. A healthy love will always fulfill you, even in ways you can’t fulfill yourself. They’ll add more to your life, never making you feel less of who you are.
A Healthy Love Lifts You Up During The Hard Times
No matter what’s happening in our lives, there will always be difficulties that come along the way. How somebody treats you when things are hard says everything. It’s how we go through the difficult times and how the person we’re with treats us that reveal the most.
There’s also such a difference when going through hard times with your partner vs. them being the reason you’re facing a difficult time. I can honestly count the number of times my husband and I have been in an argument (not to say we haven’t had disagreements at times), but I can’t say the same for my past. In fact, if anything, I wouldn’t be able to even come up with a number because it’d be too many times to count. In that previous relationship, I felt in a constant battle with the person I was with because I was either always trying to defend my argument, or always trying to defuse the situation.
A healthy love will always lift you up during the hard times, not bring you down even lower. What matters most is who is there for you when times in your life get hard, and how they are there for you. Do they support you, and unconditionally love you through it all? Do you know without a doubt that they’ll always be for you, not just when times are easy, but even when they’re incredibly hard?
A Healthy Love Never Leaves You Second-Guessing Your Worth
One of the main reasons I think we stay in situations or with people longer than we should is because we aren’t grounded enough in knowing what our self-worth is.
I never realized how much I didn’t have respect for myself until I was able to gain the mental strength to leave that destructive relationship. Sometimes we try to fit ourselves in places that we aren’t meant to be anymore—and often we can’t connect all the pieces of the puzzle until after the fact. We’re never meant to be in a relationship or situation that requires us to sacrifice our worth and make us second-guess or doubt who we are.
A true and healthy love never leaves you with unanswered questions, or makes you question the worth of who you are as a person. While a lot of our true contentment and happiness should be rooted within ourselves, the person you’re with should add to that, not take away from how you feel about yourself.
Sometimes we might find ourselves deep in a situation that feels hard to escape from. But know that your worth and your happiness are always worth more than settling for anything but a healthy love.
