The Importance Of Loving Yourself Before Loving Somebody Else

The importance of loving yourself before loving somebody else.

I’ll never forget the day my friend took the photo above, several years ago.

I was applying to a ton of writing jobs at the time and updating my portfolio. Although that picture was surprisingly candid, I remember looking at it afterward and realizing it portrayed exactly how I felt—completely happy and content with the direction of my life. I was single for almost three years, and throughout that time I truly learned how to love myself completely. Ironically, the night before this, I met my now husband, not realizing what was waiting for us in the next chapter. Throughout the years of being single before I met him, I learned the true importance of loving yourself before you can love somebody else:

You Aren’t Looking For Validation From Anybody Else

You aren’t looking for validation from others, because you already have it within yourself. In the years of learning how to love myself, I took so much time working on figuring out who I was, and what I wanted out of life. I knew until I figured out those two things, I wasn’t ready to give love to somebody else. There’s such a displacement of feelings when you get into a relationship expecting to magically feel better about yourself—whether it’s insecurities, self-esteem, or feeling better in general.

Loving somebody before you love yourself won’t fix how you feel about yourself. Knowing exactly who you are will help you confidently love the right person when it falls into place. Finding a partner before you’re happy with yourself will only cause you to fill a temporary void—which is typically a short-term fix to a long-term problem. You need to allow yourself to heal and seek your own validation before you open your heart to somebody else. Otherwise, you could be getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons. 

You Realize Your Happiness Depends On Yourself, Not The Other Person 

Placing our happiness in the hands of the wrong person can cause more harm than we realize. Even if you are experiencing a season of loneliness–being alone is better than being with the wrong person. Getting into a relationship just to be with somebody can close the door to the possibility of the right person coming along. It’s not a cure-all to your issues, and can essentially cause more damage than good. We should never depend on somebody else for our own happiness. While your significant other should add to your happiness rather than take it away, your true happiness should reside within yourself. 

Your Priorities Are Right Where They Should Be

Not having a sense of self can cause us to be in relationships we shouldn’t be in. When you learn to love yourself, you’ll never settle for someone out of the need for attachment. Any type of red flag that shows itself will be alarming to you because you know your true worth. We sometimes dismiss feelings because of our desire to make a relationship work, causing us to settle for less than we deserve. If you know who you are and what you stand for, you’ll refuse to open the door for just anybody to enter into your life. Staying true to your priorities will help you avoid settling for the wrong person and bring you a new-found confidence in knowing exactly what you deserve. 

You Commit To Letting Go Of Past Baggage

Too often, people start a new relationship before healing from a previous one. When you invest ample time in a relationship, it’s always necessary to take the time to heal. Trying to bury and ignore past pains will only cause them to resurface later. Scars heal over time, and this includes learning how to let go of the past. Releasing our baggage and refusing to focus on what hurt us can help us push forward to the present. It’s not fair to you or your future significant other to hold onto the people or things that hurt you. You’ll find you love yourself in ways you may never have before when you’re able to let go of the past. By releasing past baggage, you’re able to heal yourself while moving on altogether.

We all struggle with loving ourselves from time to time. The journey to self-love may be anything but a smooth path, but it’s important to take the necessary steps so that we can learn to love ourselves the way we deserve. It’s easy to get caught up in wishing or wanting anything that brings instant validation—but loving yourself takes time. Loving yourself is crucial before you open your heart to loving somebody else. Not only will you find more fulfillment, but it’ll bring you even more happiness than you could ever imagine.

Leave a Comment


  1. 1.17.24
    Asmaa said:

    Amazing post! I came across this post and it hit my right in the feels.

  2. 1.17.24

    Love this!

  3. 1.18.24
    Smiley said:

    So true! We often forget to give ourselves some love too…thanks for the reminder!

  4. 1.18.24
    Julie Carroll said:

    You are wise beyond your years. Love this. ❤️

  5. 1.18.24
    Deni said:

    Thank you for this post! Your blog is amazing!

  6. 1.30.24
    Hari said:

    I totally agree that our happiness clearly depends on ourselves and nobody else. Awesome read!

    • 1.30.24

      Sometimes it can be so hard to remember that, but so important for our inner happiness. Thank you so much!