5 Signs You’re Trying To Force A Relationship That Isn’t Right For You

5 Signs You're Trying To Force A Relationship That Isn't Right

There are so many reasons that we stay in relationships that aren’t right for us anymore. We might stay out of fear of change and loneliness, or because we’re trying to hold onto the hope that it’ll one day go back to how it once was or even better than it was before.

If I look back on the relationships I was in before I met my husband, there was a pattern of not letting go because I was afraid of what it meant for my future. I never wanted to make a wrong choice, even if it felt like something was off. But by prolonging making any choice, I realized it was never beneficial to me or the relationships I was in. I thought I was doing myself a favor by holding on, but it was always harder to hold onto something that wasn’t meant for me anymore.

Every relationship requires commitment, effort, and sacrifices. But if you find yourself at a constant dead-end with no road in sight, it might be time to re-evaluate if you’re meant to continue staying in the relationship. Here are 5 signs you’re trying to force a relationship that isn’t right for you: 

1. You Love The Idea Of A Relationship, Rather Than The Person

We all want to be with a partner who unconditionally loves us, cares for us, and always has our best intentions in mind. But sometimes when we aren’t in a good place in our lives, or we’re insecure with who we are, we’ll jump into a relationship for the wrong reasons. 

I’ve seen some of my friends (and admittedly even myself in the past), get into a relationship in need of trying to fill a void. Whether you’re feeling lonely, or have been wanting to be in a relationship for a long time, it might be a sign that you love the “idea” of a relationship, rather than the person you’re with. 

Ask yourself if you’re in the relationship because you truly love this person for who they are and see a future with them, or if you’re only staying because you’re comfortable and would rather have something over nothing. A relationship never stays exactly the same as it is in the beginning, especially as both of you change and evolve. Figure out if you’re only with the person you’re with because it feels convenient, or if it’s truly right for the both of you.

2. You’re Waiting For Them To Change 

You should never stay in a relationship where you’re constantly waiting or expecting the other person to change something about themselves. 

A lot of the time, when we’re still in the “honeymoon” stage of a relationship, we tend to overlook qualities and even subtle red flags when they come up, especially when we want something to work out. It’s easy to dismiss things when we’re focused on the short-term, rather than looking at the reality of what the long-term will look like. 

In my own experience, people usually reveal who they are early on. And all you have to do is pay attention. If you’re in a relationship with the expectation that somebody will change because you want them to, you’ll only end up more frustrated in the end when those expectations aren’t being met.

People are who they are, and you can’t expect or force somebody to change things about themselves if they aren’t willing or wanting to change. You’ll naturally have differences in a relationship no matter who you’re with, but you shouldn’t be with somebody if you find yourself constantly wishing or hoping that things will change and be different. 

There’s so much that we can’t see until hindsight. But if you find you’re not getting what you need or want from the current relationship that you’re in, it might mean that somebody else would be better suited for you and your happiness. We can never force somebody to be who they aren’t, and sometimes it simply means that it’s not the right relationship for you.

3. You’re Always Exhausted, Rather Than Energized 

You deserve to be in a relationship that always leaves you feeling better after you’re around them, not worse. Notice how your energy levels are when you’re around your significant other: Do you find yourself feeling exhausted or energized? Do you find your cup overflowing or completely empty?

I’ve been in relationships and friendships that have completely drained me. I’ve always been a person who wants to make others feel good, even if it came at the sacrifice of how I felt. It’s not to say that there won’t be times when you’ll have to be the shoulder to lean on, but you shouldn’t always feel like you have to “fix” the other person’s problems, or be responsible for how they feel.

Be aware if you’re always putting the effort in or overexerting yourself without it ever being reciprocated. A healthy relationship should never be one-sided, especially if it’s at the expense of your happiness just to please somebody else. 

Letting go of somebody who is no longer meant for you is never a loss.


4. You’re Second-Guessing More Often Than Not 

We’ve all heard of the saying: “When you know, you know.” As I look back on other relationships before my husband, it always felt like something was missing or wasn’t quite right. Deep down, I knew that something was off, but it was often something I didn’t want to accept or deal with. 

I was struggling and second-guessing where my relationship stood at the time, because it was hard for me to see a clear picture of the future. We ignore the things that we don’t want to accept or face, but most of the time the answers we’re searching for can always be found within ourselves. When we know something is right, we know. But when we second-guess our feelings more often than not, we also know. 

If you find yourself constantly second-guessing your relationship more often than not, it might be a sign that it isn’t right for you. Pay attention to your gut feelings and how you feel. Your intuition will never lie to you. You’ll never have to force your feelings or try to convince yourself you’re truly happy in a relationship that’s right for you.

5. You’re Constantly Disagreeing 

While we won’t always agree with our significant other on everything, your relationship shouldn’t consist of more disagreements than agreements. 

It’s not always about the disagreement itself, either, but rather how the two of you work through the conflict to avoid it in the future. Do you feel like your partner listens to you and tries to work through what you’re upset about? Or do you feel like they’re constantly brushing off your feelings and emotions, and only focusing on their wants and needs?

A healthy relationship is learning how to work through the disagreements and differences so the two of you can come together. You might be on different pages at times, but be careful if you’re always on a different chapter altogether. If your relationship consists of constant disagreeing and arguing, it’ll only lead to miscommunication and resentment. 

5 Signs You're Trying To Force A Relationship

Figuring out if you’re in a relationship that is no longer right for you starts with the awareness that something is off. If you find yourself second-guessing or in constant exhaustion, it’s worth looking at what can either be changed, or accepting that the relationship is no longer right for the both of you. Remember: Letting go of somebody who is no longer meant for you is never a loss. Instead, it’s an opportunity to make space for somebody who is meant for you.

Leave a Comment