There are so many reasons we stay in relationships that aren’t right for us anymore. We stay out of fear of change, loneliness or because a part of us is holds on to the hope that things will either go back to the way they once were, or become even better than before.
When I look back on the relationships I was in before I met my husband, there was a pattern of not knowing how to let go because I didn’t know what it meant for my future.
I never wanted to make the wrong choice, which only prolonged making any choice, even when I knew something was off. I thought I was doing myself a favor by holding on, but in the end it was only hindering me by staying in relationships that weren’t right for me anymore.
Relationships ask for effort, commitment and sacrifices. But if you find yourself second-guessing your relationship more often than not, it might be time to re-evaluate if you’re meant to stay in the relationship or if it’s time to let go. Here are 5 signs you’re forcing a relationship that isn’t right for you anymore:
1. You Love The Idea Of A Relationship More Than The Person You’re With
Are you staying in the relationship you’re in because you truly love this person and see a future with them, or are you staying because it’s what you know and are comfortable with?
I’ve jumped into relationships for the wrong reasons in the past because I was trying to fill a void. Whether that void was insecurity and the need to feel validated, loneliness when I was the only single friend or genuinely wanting a long-term relationship, I thought that if I held on long enough the relationship would eventually turn into what I hoped it could be.
We all want to be with somebody who unconditionally loves us for who we are, cares for us without conditions and has our best intentions in mind. But settling never brings true satisfaction, and in the end if something isn’t meant to be, it’ll inevitably fall apart.
A relationship never stays exactly the same as it was in the beginning, and while everything is exciting at first, time will reveal if you’re truly compatible like you once thought you were.
Some of the best advice I received was that if I had nothing else, except for the person I was with, would it be enough? When a relationship is meant to be it comes without struggle, and when we stay in a relationship longer than we’re meant to, it’s only prolonging who is meant for us. Ask yourself if you’re in the relationship because you’re sincerely happy and it’s truly right for both of you, or if you’re only staying out of convenience.
2. You’re Waiting For The Other Person To Change
Something I learned early on is that we can’t force people to change, or want something for somebody more than they want it for themselves.
When we’re in the honeymoon stage of a relationship, it’s easy to overlook qualities about the other person that bothers us, or even dismiss red flags that initially make us think twice. Especially when we want the relationship to work out more than anything else. We start convincing ourselves that eventually the relationship will change or improve to match our expectations.
While you’ll naturally have differences in a relationship, you shouldn’t be with somebody if you find yourself constantly hoping or wishing that things will change or improve in the future. Red flags never turn green, and the truth is people only change if they want to change.
There’s so much that we can’t see until hindsight. But something I learned the hard way is that as long as we’re paying attention, people reveal who they are early on. We can’t expect somebody to be the person we want them to be.
If you find yourself not getting what you want or need from a relationship, it might be because there’s somebody else out there that’s better for you. You can’t wait around for potential or force somebody to be who they aren’t, you can only accept people as they are. Even if that means letting go of a relationship that isn’t right for you.
3. You Find Yourself Constantly Exhausted, Rather Than Energized
The relationship you’re in should always leave you feeling better when you’re around them, not worse. I’ve found myself in relationships and friendships that completely drained my energy. The people-pleaser in me often sacrificed how I felt to make the other person feel good, but I quickly realized that it wasn’t my job to always “fix” everything.
Notice how your energy levels are when you’re around your significant other. Do you find yourself feeling exhausted and running on empty, or do you feel energized and refreshed?
It’s not to say that there won’t be times when you’ll have to be the shoulder your partner leans on, but you shouldn’t be in a relationship where you find yourself constantly responsible for how the other person feels or if you’re the constant fix for their problems.
Be aware if you’re always putting the effort in or overexerting yourself without it ever being reciprocated. A healthy relationship should never be one-sided, especially if it’s at the expense of your happiness just to please the other person.
Related posts you might like:
- 6 Signs You’ve Outgrown A Lifelong Friendship
- The Truth About Moving On Without Closure
- Why It’s Okay To Outgrow People Who Aren’t Growing
4. You Find Yourself Second-Guessing Things More Often Than Not
We’ve all heard the saying when it comes to relationships: “When you know, you know.” The opposite is also true, we know when something isn’t right for us anymore, even if we’re having trouble admitting it.
Looking back on previous relationships I was in, I knew when they weren’t quite right for me because it felt like something was missing. It felt hard facing the truth, especially because it wasn’t something I wanted to deal with.
When we ignore the things we don’t know how to accept or face, we end up staying in relationships longer than we should. We think that over time, clarity will come, especially when we keep second-guessing if something is still right for us like it once was. But the answer we’re avoiding, is usually the one we already deep down know is true.
If you find yourself constantly second-guessing your relationship more often than not, it might be a sign that it isn’t right for you. Pay attention to your gut feelings and how you feel. If something feels off, it always is. You’ll never have to force your feelings or try to convince yourself you’re truly happy in a relationship that’s right for you.
5. You’re Constantly Disagreeing
While you won’t agree with your significant other about everything, your relationship should be built on understanding and respect, not constant arguments and conflict.
It’s not always about the disagreement itself, either, but rather how the two of you work through the conflict to avoid the same fight happening again in the future. Do you feel like your partner listens to you and tries to work through what you’re upset about? Or do you feel like they’re constantly brushing off your feelings and emotions, and only focusing on their wants and needs?
A healthy relationship is learning how to work through the disagreements and differences so the two of you can come together.
You might be on different pages at times, but be careful if you’re always on a different chapter altogether. If your relationship consists of constant disagreeing and arguing, it’ll only lead to more miscommunication and resentment.
Figuring out if you’re in a relationship that is no longer right for you starts with awareness that something feels off. If you find yourself second-guessing or feel like you’re exhausted more often than not, it’s worth figuring out if it’s something that can be changed or if it’s time to let go altogether.
Letting go of somebody who is no longer meant for you is never a loss. Instead, it’s an opportunity to make space for the person who is meant for you.
