What Feeling Broken Taught Me About Being Whole

What being broken taught me about being whole.

At the time, I didn’t recognize my brokenness.

Recognizing brokenness requires a certain vulnerability, one for a long time I wasn’t ready to admit or even accept. From the outside, I held it completely together. I had the ‘keep moving forward’ mentality, even though from the inside, it felt like I was drowning. Our feelings can lie to us, and 9 times out of 10 they will, but reality and the truth never does. I was broken before I was ever whole. The pieces started to slowly chipping off until they eventually broke and crumbled altogether. The more broken I felt, the more I realized how much it taught me about being whole.

Brokenness isn’t meant to be a place for you to stay, but rather a place that allows you to rebuild yourself from rock bottom. You start to view life and yourself differently, because you’ve survived something that tried to break you altogether. 

It didn’t happen once, but it did happen over and over.

A lot of the situations we face are tests. Some of these tests are the result of our choices, and others show up unannounced. Making decisions, and then having to deal with the not-so-good consequences, led me to some of the lowest areas of brokenness. I never just woke up one morning feeling all the weight of the heaviness. It was something that happened, then happened again, and again, and again. It was easy for me at the time to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for myself. But what good does that do?

Situations will always be there to test us. But the real test is how we handle it and continue walking on the other side. I could choose to feel broken, or I could try to rebuild all my broken pieces and make myself whole again. While it might not be something that can be fixed right away, it can be fixed over time. 

There’s always a before and after. 

I imagined drawing a line in the sand, of my ‘before’ and ‘after’. Staring down at the line, I always gave myself a choice. Remain where I was, or step across the line into the now, or the ‘after’. The line in the middle was always the signal of change. Something I would’ve never experienced had I not took the life-altering step. We hardly ever walk into situations knowing what the outcome is. If I had known some of the consequences of my choices, I might have walked in a completely different direction, not crossing the line altogether.

The result of our choices may change us, but over time, we need to learn to accept those changes. Our journey isn’t meant for anyone else. Nobody walks our path besides our own two feet, and there’s such beauty in that. Some of our choices result from our past, but that’s okay. It’s important to embrace the before and after, because you’ll never be the same as you were before. & more often than not, you wouldn’t want to be.

There might be times when you have to keep pushing forward, no matter how you feel.

A time I specifically remember struggling was when I was at the end of my college years. Logically, in my head, there was no reason for me to be upset—on the outside, I was pursuing everything I ever wanted and dreamed of working hard towards a writing degree. Yet inside, I still felt like a failure since I didn’t graduate on what I considered ‘on time’, and I had no idea what my next steps would be when I even got to that point. I felt immense pressure to figure out my life, but I remember that day precisely because, in my head, I gave myself a choice. Either I can stress myself out over something I have zero control over and can’t change, or I could keep pushing forward regardless of how I feel. I knew how I chose to walk forward was ultimately up to me and only me. While situations can be difficult, there are times when we have to keep pushing forward, no matter how it feels at the moment. 

Being broken reveals the most beautiful parts of ourselves. 

It was hard to picture how I was going to take all the pieces that felt broken and make myself whole again. Just because something looks a certain way on the outside doesn’t mean that’s always how it feels on the inside. We need to give ourselves grace and most importantly patience. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is to push play and see how life chooses to go.

Being broken can hurt and feel like the worst thing in the world. Especially in those moments when you feel like the world is against you. No matter how big or small the situation is. Meet yourself exactly where you’re at and welcome the unexpected change. Never let your choices break you; instead let them mold and change you into exactly who you’re supposed to be.

Changes are small until they’re big. Never let the broken parts of you make you feel like you’ll never be whole. Our brokenness doesn’t define us, it launches us into who we’re meant to be. Being broken doesn’t mean you’ll be broken forever. It just means one day, you’ll feel more whole than you ever have before.

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