The hardest part about leaving somebody we know isn’t good for us anymore is learning how to break free from the attachment that keeps us holding on.
We cling tightly, afraid of what we might lose if we let go. Whether it’s losing the person we deeply love, the memories we never want to forget, or the future we once envisioned.
Love has a way of blinding us to see situations and people for how we want to perceive them, rather than the reality of who they are. When I was deep in a toxic relationship, I was shielded by the innocence of believing that one day things could eventually be better. And with that, I had to learn how to accept the hard truth that some people aren’t right for us, no matter how hard we try to make it work.
We lose so many pieces of ourselves when we try to force a relationship that isn’t meant to be. Sometimes we were never even supposed to be in those relationships to begin with, but our hope for potential keeps us holding on. Holding onto the hope that one day things will be exactly how we envisioned them, or that things will turn out differently if we stay just a little bit longer.
Even if you know somebody isn’t right for you anymore, it’s hard to know whether to keep fighting for the relationship or end it completely. Here are some reasons we struggle to let go of unhealthy relationships:
The Fear Of Letting Go Keeps Us Holding On
Fear holds us back in the worst ways possible. There have been countless times in my life when I held back because of fear, whether it was being afraid of making the wrong choice or because I wasn’t sure where my decisions would ultimately lead me.
When it comes to unhealthy relationships, we fear leaving the person who we know isn’t good for us anymore because we’re not sure where that’ll lead us after it ends. Our attachment feels strong, especially when we’re in so deep that we can’t imagine our lives otherwise, even when we know something is off.
Fear keeps us where we are because it makes us feel uncertain about what that means for our future. We might ask ourselves: what if this person suddenly changes, if we would’ve just kept holding on?
But here’s the thing about fear and leaving somebody who isn’t good for you anymore: there’s a reason you feel the fear. Our minds try to reason with us that this is why we feel uncertain; in case they do change, in case things do get better. But what if they never do? We become paralyzed by the fear of change because of the unknown, but what we often forget is that people only change if they want to change.
We might convince ourselves that the cost of staying outweighs the cost of leaving; but sometimes things will never change. No matter how bad we want something, it doesn’t guarantee that it’ll eventually turn out differently.
There will always be uncertainties about the future, especially since we never know where our choices will lead us. But we have to trust that when we let go of someone, there is always something better waiting for us, and someone who would never make us second-guess our relationship in the first place.
Letting Go Feels Impossible
What’s harder than holding on is learning how to let go, especially considering the amount of time we invest in a relationship. Whenever I describe the unhealthy and abusive relationship I was in, the one thing I’ll never forget is how impossible it felt to let go, especially considering how wrapped up in it I was.
Even when there’s turmoil or we know somebody is toxic for us, it’s hard to see a way out when we’re in the middle of a situation or relationship because we’re used to things the way they are. We think we’re helping ourselves by fighting for someone we believe in, but in the end, we’re only hurting ourselves when we hold onto someone who is no longer right for us. It’s almost like we become paralyzed where we are, convincing ourselves that we can’t move because we don’t know how to let go.
But learning how to let go doesn’t have to be a one-time thing. We find strength in learning how to let go little by little, until finally that strength pushes us to let go altogether.
When we force ourselves to stay for the hope that things will be better, it feels impossible to let go – which is why we continue holding on. Toxic and unhealthy relationships will never leave you feeling good. There are moments that you’ll temporarily hold onto but eventually, it’ll always fade back to how it was. But there’s strength found in letting go, even if it’s slowly at first, until you can build up the strength to let go completely.
We Romanticize The Relationship
Our intuition always knows the truth, even when we don’t know how to speak the words out loud. The second I realized I was in an extremely unhealthy relationship was when I found myself hiding the truth to protect the person I thought I deeply cared about.
When we come to a crossroad of whether we should let go or hold on, our minds might try to convince us that the relationship is way better than it actually is. We romanticize the relationship rather than seeing the truth for what it is, whether it’s unhealthy, toxic, or simply not right for us anymore.
We hold onto the “good” memories, and the false image of our relationship that things are way better than they actually are. The reasons we convince ourselves to stay outweigh the reasons we should leave because we think things will eventually go back to how they once were.
Even when we convince ourselves that it’ll get better, it doesn’t guarantee that it eventually will. Romanticizing the relationship prevents us from remembering what actually happened and the truth of our situation. When we choose to look through the narrow lens of only focusing on the ‘good’ memories, it pushes the bad memories out or completely disregards them altogether.
Accepting that somebody is no longer right for us means seeing the relationship for what it truly is, rather than what we wish it would be.
Related posts you might like:
- 5 Signs You’re In A Healthy Relationship
- How To Move Past Your Almost Relationship
- What I Learned From Being In An Abusive Relationship
We Don’t Know Who We Are Without Them
When we invest everything we have in a relationship, we start to lose sight of not knowing who we are without that person.
We hold on because we feel like our worth is attached to who we are with them, but what we don’t realize is that we are still our own person without them.
Letting go of someone who isn’t right for us becomes complicated when we finally accept it’s not meant to be. We’re not only grieving the person we lost, but the person we believed they were or could be. In the midst of all of that, we’re trying to rediscover who we are.
Sometimes it’s hard to imagine a life outside of the relationship we were in because we’ve never pictured anything else otherwise. What’s most important is knowing that you’ll always find your way through with a new-found strength that you never knew you had. You might not be the same as who you were before, but more often than not, you won’t want to be.
You’ll eventually find yourself feeling thankful for the things that fell apart because there is always more happiness waiting to be found. You’ll start realizing that just because something didn’t work out like you thought it would, it doesn’t mean that you’ve completely lost yourself or that you won’t find someone better. Your relationship status never defines your worth, how you feel about yourself does.
We struggle to let go of unhealthy relationships because we desperately try to hold onto the person, the memories, and the future we think we want, regardless of when we know we should let go.
Always listen to your inner voice. Your intuition will never steer you wrong and when something feels off, it always is. Sometimes the hardest part is learning how to let go of somebody who isn’t good for you anymore, but once you’re able to, you’ll always find more happiness waiting for you on the other side.
