The Hard Truth About Healing And Growth

One of the most overlooked parts of healing is the growth that happens because of what we’re going through.

Healing requires deep inner work. We desire the end result when we’re finally healed from our pain, but rarely do we know how to sit in the middle. The middle is where the most transformation happens, where we start to become a different version of ourselves and change in ways we couldn’t have imagined. It reveals the pains we’ve tried to bury and forces us to sit in silence, usually what we’ve been avoiding all along.

Growth and healing can feel like taking one step forward, just to get pulled two steps back. It’s the waiting, the wondering when things will feel lighter again, and the dread of knowing that the only way out is through. It’s learning how to sit in the crevices with your feelings, knowing that some things can’t be fixed, they can only be carried.

Uncovering and moving through your pain is as difficult as it sounds. It’s the side of growth and healing that isn’t always talked about: the part where you feel emotionally exhausted, or when you feel stuck because you aren’t where you imagined you’d be by now. Healing is a process that unfolds with time, and requires us to confront the innermost parts of ourselves so we can truly grow.

Healing Won’t Always Feel Comfortable

At first, healing feels chaotic. It’s messy, disorganized, and rarely feels like progress when you’re right in the middle of it.

Healing isn’t something that happens by simply “being”. It happens by creating space even when it feels overwhelming so you can process through your emotions and pain. It’s accepting that sometimes things will feel a lot worse before they get better, but it’s also knowing that working through your pain will bring you to the other side.

I’ve learned that working through pain is as hard as it sounds. Growing up playing soccer, I had multiple injuries throughout the years, including recent ones that forced me to stop running until I was fully healed. Just like physical injuries, we can’t rush our emotional healing either.

Growth happens when you meet yourself exactly where you are, even if it feels uncomfortable to sit with your feelings. It’s learning how to be gentle with yourself through the process of change, and accepting that even if you feel a disconnect from moving forward, you don’t always have to figure it out right away. Healing is taking one step at a time, no matter how slow or fast your progress feels.

You’re On Your Own Timeline For Healing

At the beginning of this year, I experienced trauma like never before. I found myself constantly seeking answers I might never find: asking others how long it took them to heal, trying to figure out when the heavy pain would finally lessen, and wondering how long I would feel the way I did.

We seek connection from others to validate our experiences, to feel less alone, and find reassurance that there’s a way through. I quickly realized I was looking for that validation in the wrong place: I was placing my hope of “moving on” in what other people found acceptable, rather than focusing on my own timeline for healing.

Your journey is yours, no matter how much somebody else’s path mirrors your experience. I felt behind because I wasn’t healing as quickly as others, which only added guilt for not healing “fast enough”.

Growth isn’t always loud. It’s often in the quiet moments that we find pieces of solitude and figure out how to move forward. I recently heard somebody say, after losing her mom, that her grief isn’t somebody else’s grief. Because no matter how similar the situation was, they didn’t lose the exact person she lost.

The same can be said for healing. When you’re healing, you’re recovering from the things you experienced, not what anybody else did. Your pain is valid and it’s okay to follow your timeline for healing, no matter what it looks like on the outside.

Accept That Your Relationships Might Shift

The last article I wrote was about the grief that comes with friendship loss. We underestimate how much pain can transform not only us, but our relationships too.

Accepting how many of my relationships have changed because of healing and growth was something I struggled with repeatedly. Growth can feel like loss. It sheds old layers of who we were so we can shift into who we’re becoming. It’s the inner-knowing that you don’t owe anybody an explanation for how you feel because you’re the only one who lived through your experience.

The hard truth is that not everybody will understand your pain. Healing taught me that it’s okay to be misunderstood, and it’s okay to outgrow people who aren’t growing, even if it feels isolating throughout the process.

You might start to question yourself, especially when people can’t understand your pain or try to rush your healing process. But know that your way of healing is never wrong. Choosing yourself and what serves you is what matters most, especially when you’re prioritizing your growth above anything else.

Your relationships might shift, but those who are truly meant to be in your life will always find their way to you.

It’s Okay Not To Have All The Answers

Healing can make you feel like you need to have all the answers to move forward. But sometimes, it’s more about accepting the uncertainty and allowing yourself to be present with how you’re feeling, even without a concrete solution or plan.

Disconnection happens when we try to force ourselves into feeling a specific way by a specific time. Healing and growth carry a heavy mental load. Not only the emotional exhaustion you face from processing your pain, but also learning how to sit in the uncomfortable space of not knowing when things will start to shift and feel different.

Feeling unsure about how to move forward isn’t always avoidance. Sometimes you have to reframe the way you think and feel, knowing that even if you don’t have all the answers today, it doesn’t mean that one day you won’t.