When I was 20, I found myself sitting across from my advisor about to sign my journalism major. I’ll never forget when he paused, looked up at me, and asked: “Are you sure this is really what you want to do with your life? Writing is either something you do have or don’t have.”
I was shocked it was coming from somebody who was also my professor at the time, but I knew exactly what he meant. Carving my path into the writing world wouldn’t be easy—and with that would come many rejections, but I decided at that moment, I was okay with that. I knew what I was signing up for and to me, the risk was worth the unknown.
Since that day, I’ve received no less than hundreds of rejections, which made me start to question my path more and more. There were so many times throughout those years I was told by other people to ‘pursue another path’ or to ‘get a real job’. Limiting beliefs started forming in my head—beliefs that I knew deep down weren’t the truth, but they were influenced by the thoughts and opinions of others.
A limiting belief is just that—negative thoughts that limit us from being our best selves. They confine us into a space that tells us we “aren’t” enough in one way or another, even if we have every reason to believe and deep down know that we are enough.
It’s easy to look for confirmation that those limiting beliefs are true, rather than learning how to change our mindset. When we’re able to let go of those beliefs, we’re able to step into our highest potential. Rather than holding onto limiting beliefs, here’s how to let go of them so you can be your true self:
Confront Your Inner Emotions And Feelings
The problem with limiting beliefs is that we think our thoughts, emotions, and feelings are the concrete truth. When, in reality, those beliefs are usually hidden behind fears and insecurities—stemming from the past, fear of failure, or even low self-esteem.
There were so many emotions and feelings I suppressed over the years because I convinced myself if somebody else was telling me something, it must be true. Rather than believing every emotion and feeling you have (which aren’t always facts), confront them by uncovering the reasons why you feel the way you do.
It took me years to connect why I felt insecure when people told me to pursue another path other than writing. Until one day, it clicked for me. Even though I confidently signed my major with my advisor and professor that day, his hesitation essentially rooted my own hesitation later in life. Unknowingly, I held onto the belief that maybe nothing was working out for me in the writing world because I wasn’t cut out for it. But what I realized was that by holding onto that limiting belief, I was limiting myself from my highest potential.
Maybe I didn’t get my dream job right away, but I did land interviews with some of my dream companies. And maybe I didn’t publish a book yet, but I did create and launch my own website. By confronting my inner emotions and feelings, I realized that it was okay if my path wasn’t clear-cut and if it looked different from what others thought I should do.
Once you’re able to get to the root of how you feel, it’s easier to let go of the limiting beliefs holding you back: whether it’s formed from others’ opinions or thoughts you believe about yourself that aren’t true.
Challenge Your Beliefs
One way to reframe how we’re thinking is by challenging our current beliefs. Beliefs lose their power when we reframe how we see them: whether it’s looking at our circumstances in a different light, or turning our negative thoughts into something positive.
The problem with limiting beliefs is limiting ourselves to thinking we “can’t” do something or focusing on if something “doesn’t” turn out how we hope it will. We never realize the negative impact our thoughts can have on our mindset.
A few of my limiting beliefs throughout the years included thinking that:
- Rejection means failure
- Boundaries are selfish
- Everything needs to be ‘perfect’ to be right
Although these beliefs weren’t the truth, the thoughts still replayed in my head throughout various situations in my life. Once I started analyzing what little truth there was to each of those statements, I realized the reality was actually the complete opposite:
- Rejection is redirection. We can’t always see how our stories will unfold from beginning to end, but a rejection doesn’t mean a dead-end. It turns us around to where we’re supposed to be. If everything worked out how we once wanted it to, we would never experience the life we’re meant to live.
- Protecting your mental health and well-being is never selfish. And you should never have to explain your boundaries or the reasons why you feel the way you do. Boundaries help you define what you will and won’t accept in your life. Sometimes saying no to others is necessary so that you can say yes to yourself.
- The idea of perfectionism will always make you feel like you’re never doing ‘enough’. Not everything needs to be perfect to be right, and setting the highest standards will always make us feel like we’re falling short. Where you are is always enough, especially when you’re doing the best you can.
Challenge your beliefs by reframing the way you think about them. Once you can let go of the wrong beliefs, you’ll be able to let in the right ones.
Adopt The Growth Mindset
When you challenge your limiting beliefs, it’s also important to adopt a growth mindset and self-awareness of how you can overcome any negative thoughts that are holding you back.
One way I’ve adopted a growth mindset is when I started paying attention to what I was thinking about. Statistically, the average person has around 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day according to the National Science Foundation. Of those thoughts, 80 percent were thought to be negative, with 95 percent being the same thoughts from the day before.
Our thoughts have such a direct influence on how we think and feel (especially if we’re capable of thinking up to 60,000!). When we learn how to reframe and replace negative thought patterns, we start to realize all the untrue beliefs we may have held about ourselves; even if we’ve had those beliefs for years.
I’m more aware of my thoughts and feelings when I can write them down. Journaling can be a powerful tool to help you untangle your thoughts and reframe your mindset. An example could be writing down the limiting belief you have (I can’t do this because…) and reframing it with how you can achieve it (I might not be able to do this right now, but taking the following steps will help…).
A lot of the time, we don’t even realize what we’re thinking until we confront our true thoughts and feelings. Adopting the growth mindset is learning how to switch from a negative mindset to a positive one, and actively choosing what you want to believe in—regardless of what your current situation looks like.
We can’t always change our circumstances, but we can always change our mindset. Limiting beliefs hold us back from our true potential because it takes away from where we are. It’s easy to get caught up in focusing on the wrong things, rather than looking at the bigger picture and trusting that certain things didn’t work out for a reason. Our beliefs shape our reality. When we let go of what’s holding us back, we’re that much closer to stepping into the life meant for us.
